You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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