Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize