So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
