well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
