..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
