I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
