What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
