i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
