Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
