Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
