i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
