i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
