I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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