oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
