Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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