I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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