Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I need a beard to bite.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
