why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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