I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
