Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
