Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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