i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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