you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
