The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
