I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
