Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
