let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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