the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
