I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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