I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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