you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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