As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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