Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I want a musical about memes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
