i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't deserve a penis
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize