hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
