and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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