Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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