I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
how does that bad decision feel?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
