I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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