next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
