hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
