She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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