i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
