Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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