oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
