Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just took my morning after pill in the library
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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