Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
