I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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