Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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