We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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