apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
