2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
