It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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