Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
