We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
