Its about making memories worth repressing
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
