Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
