don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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