My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
