sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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