I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
