Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
