If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
