You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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