I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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