Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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