Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my shit smells like andre
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
