Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
